WEBVTT
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And I've got Jennifer here, and she's here to tell her story.
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Go ahead, Jennifer.
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Hi, well, thank you so much for having me on today.
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Yes, just to get the my story out, I'm writing a book called Tomorrow Is Not Promised.
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And the book is based on my childhood and struggles that I had to fight through to get where I am today.
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You know, I grew up in a very, very small town outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania called Uniontown, Pennsylvania.
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I always laugh.
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I always say there's more animals than there are people there.
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And as a little girl, I just had bigger dreams and aspirations for me.
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I knew staying in the small town was not where I wanted to be for the rest of my life.
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And you know, I had a very tough childhood.
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My parents divorced when I was around two years old.
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Uh, my memories of that marriage was very uh brutal and arguments and those types of things, and then both of my parents got remarried, and their second marriages weren't great.
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My dad got remarried to a woman that had two kids.
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Um the oldest son molested me for many years.
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Oh wow.
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My dad had substance use problems with drinking, and then on my mom's side, her second marriage, he was a very emotionally uh abusive person to myself, but physically and emotionally abusive to my mom.
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So I was growing up in two homes where I didn't feel safe, I didn't have that safety and security as a child.
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And in my book, I talk about behind my house was a church and I felt safe there.
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And there was this oak tree that looked so big to me that I used to go down and sit down and write in my journal.
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And as a little girl, you know, our dreams and aspirations are so different.
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But my dream number one was to put God first, to two, to be a mom and a wife someday.
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Three was to move to Los Angeles and get as far away as I possibly could.
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And um, and I did that.
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I I did that.
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My safe haven was my grandparents, they were the stability in my life that I needed.
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Um, my dad ended up divorcing his second wife, getting remarried to his third wife, who he's still currently married to.
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Um, and then my mom got remarried to her second grade boyfriend, and he really was that father figure for me in my life.
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You know, I was around 14 when they got married, and I finally had the perfect picture family that you could think of, and it was phenomenal.
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And we lost my stepsister in 2001 during a surgery.
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It was an accident that happened during the surgery and took her life at the age of 20.
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And it really rattled our family, and but it made us come together and go through that process.
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And then my sister and I um ended up having children and getting married.
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And um, I moved back from LA to be close with my family, and then I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son, Cole, which was a godsend to me.
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And uh my stepfather really struggled throughout the years since two to 2000 from 2001 to 2020.
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He was very he was struggling.
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There were years that were really good and years that weren't that weren't.
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Um, I beat the odds, got pregnant at 19, had my son.
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Our parents, you know, we got married.
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I ended up having another son, but then going through a divorce.
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My marriage, we were so young, we didn't know what love was.
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It was toxic.
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I put myself through college.
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I knew I wanted to be a nurse, and I achieved it.
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And then I met my second husband, who I always say was my savior.
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And we he helped me raise my two children.
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We moved to New York City.
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Um, we have a daughter as well, Giannella.
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Um, so I had Cole, Preston, and Giannella, and um we ended up divorcing, but we are still best friends and raising our kids together.
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And living in Los Angeles, my mom called me in 2019 and said, Listen, your stepdad's not doing well, and his mental health is declining.
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And I've worked in mental health and addiction since 2009, and all the signs and symptoms were there.
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So I jumped on a plane in October and sat across from him at the kitchen table and said, Dad, I love you.
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I'm here, what can I do to help?
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He said, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
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And I remember sitting with my mom that day saying, He's not fine.
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And it's either you need to leave or he needs to go get the help that he needs.
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And our plan was for her to move to Los Angeles with me and bring my grandmother in June.
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And on January 1st, 2020, my kids found their bodies.
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It was a murder suicide, and he killed my mother and then took his own life.
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Oh, wow.
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Yeah, so it has been my mission to be her voice and to bring awareness and break the stigma, not just on mental health, but with addiction as well.
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And this is where I am today, being her voice, and I'm excited for the book to come out.
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She came to me in a dream telling me tomorrow's not promise, live live each day like it's your last.
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And I decided to give my book that title.
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And I hope that it truly inspires people.
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I hope readers feel a sense of agency, that they're not defined by their hardest moments, that rebuilding is possible, and that small practical step towards healing add up.
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So if my story sparks a glimmer of hope or a clearer path to support, to seek support, that's success for me.
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Yeah.
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So what was the turning point in your in your life as a as a child to where you're at right now?
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What was your turning point?
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You know what?
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I that little girl that sat under that tree, knowing that I was going to break the family cycle, that I would never allow my children or myself to endure a life like this of instability and not being safe.
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So I knew if I got good grades, I stayed out of trouble and did what I needed to do, that one day I would get out of there.
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And I I graduated at 17 and I remember packing my car up with my grandmother and driving from Pennsylvania to Arizona and then going to California.
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So when did a healing process start for you?
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Well, you know what?
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The healing process started for me, I think the first moment of healing was when I was 18 years old, and I finally told my mom I was being molested as a kid by my stepbrother.
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And that's when, because I was, I was, I was pregnant at the time.
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I was 18 when I got pregnant, 19 when I had my son, and I felt so much shame.
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And I was in therapy and I was doing all the things I needed to do, but speaking and saying it out loud was my first step into its acceptance and going, okay, this happened to me.
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And um, yeah, that was my first step.
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And listen, my journey will continue forever with the healing.
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You know, I am very open about I'm in therapy, I do therapy every week.
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Um, after my mom's death, I hit a really bad place, and I want to talk about that too.
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Like, yes, I am where I am right now, but there were a lot of bumps along the way.
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And right, my mom was my best friend.
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I talked to her four times a day.
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All of a sudden, our family unit's gone.
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It's it's gone, and I got really down and depressed.
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Now you have to remember, I have three children.
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So mom mode was I gotta get them into the right head space.
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My two boys were there when this happened.
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You know, they weren't at the house.
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My son arrived about nine to twelve minutes after he shot himself.
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So that was my priority.
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And I've never been a drinker, I've never been any of that.
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And I started to find myself when the kids would go to bed, I would go in the kitchen and pour a glass of wine and sit on the floor and cry because it was the farthest room away.
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I thought, oh, the kids can't hear me crying.
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And I hit rock bottom because I put the I wanted to make sure the kids were okay.
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And I had a failed suicide attempt.
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Um, I took a bunch of pills on Mother's Day that first year and was having some wine, and thank God my very good friend Matt called me and said I didn't sound right, and he rushed me to the hospital, and that was my aha moment.
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Like, what the heck are you doing?
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You have three beautiful children that just lost their grandparents, yeah.
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They can't lose you, and that's when everything changed for me.
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And so uh take us back to that to that moment.
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Yeah, it was scary.
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Um, it wasn't intentional.
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I went to Mexico and bought Xanax to sleep because I was having night terrors, and that day was just so hard, and I was popping um, and I took like three more before I went to bed.
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And um, but I can also say it was intentional, not intentional.
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I thought, hey, if I go to sleep and don't wake up tomorrow, I just want the pain to stop.
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I don't want to feel this way anymore.
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And I remember waking up in the hospital, it was during COVID, and I had IVs all in me, and my friend Matt and my best friend Katie were there, and I said, What happened?
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And they said, You overdosed on pills.
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And I thought, oh my god, how selfish am I?
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Because listen, with when my stepfather killed my mother and killed himself, the murder scene was still upstairs, and I remember sitting with my kids in the living room looking, and I sat them down.
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I said, Listen, we have two choices we can be survivors or we could be victims.
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What do we choose?
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And we all said, We are going to be survivors, and that replayed in my head, and at that moment, it gave me more strength than I could ever describe to you.
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So, what practices or people help you rebuild uh your life?
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Yeah, you know, having close friends that you can count on is amazing, having a close community, um seeking therapy, even seeking treatment.
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I work for the guest house Ocala.
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We are a residential treatment center, dual licensed in mental health and addiction.
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Um, it is a great place.
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I wish I knew of the guest house when I was going through my my trials and tribulations, where we really are a trauma-based program.
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Don't be afraid to go get help.
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It is okay to say, hey, I'm not okay.
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It's not okay not to say it.
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So finding the therapy, finding uh community groups that you can go and you can talk to or a friend that you could pick up and you know have a conversation with.
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It's also important we check up on our loved ones.
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I mean, we are not very far in 2026.
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We're at over a hundred thousand suicides already for this year.
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Wow.
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How do you know when somebody needs help?
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Well, look at their behavior.
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Are they withdrawn?
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Are they kind of keeping to themselves?
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Are they eating more?
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Are they gaining weight?
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Are they losing weight?
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Um, really paying attention to somebody's behavior says a lot.
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You know, if every day every day they're going to the gym and then you see them not going to the gym, um, if you see them isolating themselves, those are the first telltale signs of somebody that's struggling.
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I mean, listen, people that that do things like this, my stepfather, I never heard him yell.
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I never heard him upset.
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He was a kind, gentle man.
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He knew my mother since second grade.
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Um, I've never imagined he would he would be capable of doing what he did to my mother and also to himself.
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Well, and you say that with signs.
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We did, we did.
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He started to have a loss of interest.
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Now you have to remember, I'm I'm across the United States, and my mom was a very private, proudful person.
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So she wouldn't tell me too too much, but what she would say, Why he hasn't spoken to me in a few days.
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It went from a few days to a few weeks.
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I said, Mom, this is not normal.
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So when I started to see the increase of her noticing certain things, that's when I jumped on the plane in October.
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And when I sat across from him, there was nothing there.
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It was a very empty, very empty eyes that I was looking into.
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So those are some of the things that you have to look at in your loved one.
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Or if you yourself are struggling, um, don't be afraid to tell someone and get the help that you need.
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So your family doesn't have to feel the way our my family does.
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So how did this um this did this affect you when you were on real housewives?
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Well, this didn't happen, this happened after the the housewives.
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Um it happened after the housewives.
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Um, but the housewives, you know, just being associated with that, and I've been doing things in in Hollywood since I was I was 17, and just you know, having the network of friends that I have there, it's given me the platform to really scream this off the uh off the rooftops and get the attention of let's break the stigma, let's have real talks about when we're having bad days or we're feeling yucky.
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Um, if you're having suicidal ediations, you know, also with kids, social media has been really tough.
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I mean, I have a 14-year-old, you know, social media, we didn't have that back in our day.
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So we didn't have to worry about that.
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Kids these days, um, I am seeing an increase of kids like cutting those types of things.
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Let's really be aware and look at what our kids are doing, looking, you know, uh at their bodies, seeing I was at the grocery store the other day.
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The little girl in front of me was probably 15.
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I could see cut marks on her arm.
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You know, we need to be more cognitive of what's going on with our with our kids and our our our family members.
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So so explain cutting.
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I had a podcast yes, and she talked about she was cutting herself as well.
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And now you're saying cutting.
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So I mean, explain to us if we were a walk in the store and we see somebody and they have cuts on them.
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I mean, what are we what are we thinking?
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Do we go up to that person, talk to them, or do we let it be?
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Never let it be.
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Listen, the little girl in front of me, I tapped her shoulder and I started talking to her.
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And she said, Why quit cutting about six, seven months ago?
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You know, the cutting is a way of them getting rid of the stress.
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But I'm seeing a trend in that right now.
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I'm seeing a trend in young ladies with body dysmorphia because they're seeing uh social media and they have to look a certain way.
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But the cutting is it's very serious.
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Yeah, if you see something, say something.
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Stop them and say, hey, I know I'm a stranger, but I just want to make sure you're okay.
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You know, do you need someone to talk to?
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Don't be afraid to offer it up.
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What's the worst thing someone's gonna say to you?
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No, get away from me.
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Um, so we need to be more aware all the way around.
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And you know, with everything going on in the world today, um, people are struggling with what's going on right now.
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So we really need to be aware of everyone around us.
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So why do people cut cut themselves?
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Well, I mean, what is the purpose?
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Like a stress release for them if they're feeling a certain way for them, it it cutting is like a relief, they're releasing some of that.
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I would think if I was to cut myself, it'd be more painful than releasing pain.
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Or am I not thinking that correctly?
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Yeah, you and I, that's how we would feel.
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Um, but they're in a different mindset, and that's a relief for them.
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You know, they burn themselves too.
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Um, you know, there's a lot of trends that go on out there that that these kids are seeing.
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Um so we really need to watch and see what our kids are doing.
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Fentanyl, my big thing.
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Listen, I have I have children.
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I am I have kids in college.
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I'm constantly saying, do not take one thing from somebody because fentanyl is everywhere.
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We are seeing it everywhere.
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I carry Narcan on me 24-7.
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Just in case if I'm driving down the street and I see someone that is unconscious, I I I have my Narcan with me to administer to them from an overdose.
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Oh wow, I know fentanyl is a it's a huge issue, but is it true that they say just one little drop or whatever it is, it uh and then you're addicted?
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Well, this is the thing.
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It takes a little grain of sand of fentanyl to kill you and I.
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Are people drug users out on the street or you know, going and buying fentanyl and using it?
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Yes.
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Fentanyl is the most dangerous drug out there, and it is everywhere.
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Kids are thinking they're buying a Xanax from someone and they're dying of a fentanyl overdose.
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It is laced in everything.
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We're seeing it even laced in the uh marijuana pens now.
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Um, the good thing is because of the border control, what we're doing, we are seeing a decrease in fentanyl coming over the border, which is a positive.
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That's a good positive.
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That's a good positive.
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That's a good positive.
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Yeah.
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So so how do you balance clinical knowledge with the live experience when you speak to the audience?
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You know what?
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That's that's a great question.
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It's with that, I can take that clinical part, but that's not really what's important when I'm talking to people.
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It's my lived experience because it's relatable to a lot of people.
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That's more value than the degree that I have is because I've been through it.
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My first husband was a drug addict.
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I went and had to raise two little boys by myself because of that.
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So I have lived, lived through some of the hardest things.
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And um, they you know, the saying, God only gives you what you can handle.
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And when I pray at night, I'm like, God, no more.
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I I can't handle much more.
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But no, it really it is a blessing to be able to sit with families, you know, at my job at the guest house Ocala, bringing clients in, um, sometimes my story can be relatable to them, and it builds that relationship and makes them comfortable to opening up to me.
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I'm not just a clinician coming in having a conversation.
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Listen, we're we're real people, and we've we've dealt with some real things.